Exhausted Parents.... You need sleep too!!!

Sleep Deprived Caregivers

You are at a point where you have a new baby or an older child, you have tried sleep coaching, are in the middle of sleep coaching, or have not done sleep coaching, your little one is sick or teething, or because you are a parent juggling a thousand things at once and you are EXHAUSTED!!

Exhaustion happens to if not all, most, parents in in their lifetime of raising young children.  It seems that most emphasis is on getting kids to sleep well and not a lot of information for the parents who are also suffering from the lack of sleep.  It has probably been a long time, even longer than you think, since you have had a full, uninterrupted, blissful, sleep.  So, you are exhausted and sleep deprived, now what?!?

Exhaustion or Post-Partum Fatigue can affect every aspect of your life from your health all the way to your work, your post baby recovery if your little one is a newborn, and how you can function overall in your day.  With frequent night wakings parents are unable to enter restorative sleep cycles throughout the night because of interruptions.  Some common symptoms or results of sleep deprivation include:

Decreased mood

Mood Swings

Decreased energy

Decreased performance

Easily frustrated by daily tasks

Weight Gain

Hallucinations

Decreased memory

Negative thoughts about yourself, your baby, or in general

All of the above symptoms can really impact your life and make it difficult to get through the day.  These symptoms can be accentuated when more than one little one or other life events are taking place that the same time. 

** If you are having a hard time or are frequently experiencing saddened moods, hallucinations, or negative thoughts please speak with your public health nurse, physician, or counsellor to get guidance and resources on how to more effectively work on your situation.  This is very common and you are not alone.

“Momsomnia”

“Momsomnia” is a term that was developed by Marcie & Sandy Jones that describes when you finally get a chance to sleep you can’t because you “just know” that the baby, or the doorbell or the phone, is going to wake you up again as soon as you fall asleep or get comfortable. I know I have been here before and it is a very frustrating feeling and can make sleep deprivation even worse!  This anxiety about how much sleep you are not getting can actually make it even harder to fall asleep.

Tips for helping you fall asleep as well as improving sleep

1. The number one thing that I can’t stress enough is SUPPORT!  You know all of those neighbors, family, friends, co-workers or babysitter who told you that if you needed anything to just ask…now is the time to ask! It is manageable to deal day to day with minor sleep deprivation and so it is key to let those around you hang out with your little one so you can catch a nap every once in a while. Being able to nap, sleep in, or go to bed early on occasion can help you get some of that sleep you have been needing. 

As you may have heard before “sleep when baby sleeps!”  This is so true but as a mother myself I also understand how this time is magical because you have a quiet moment in your day and you don’t want to just sleep it away.  If you can even once a week try and nap when your child does.  It really will help you in the long run.  If you can’t nap at this time because you have many other things to get done around the house then again..USE YOUR SUPPORT! Having somebody bring you dinner, help you with laundry, or pick up some groceries when they go can help take some of the load off of your plate.

2. When you do have a chance to be off duty then actually be off duty.  More often than not when somebody is finally there to help with your child instead of going and having some you time and relaxing you may tend to stick around to make sure everything is ok.  This is the time you need to rest and take a moment for yourself.

3. On days you decide to nap when you can, turn off all phones!  You can check your messages when you wake up.

4. Avoid Caffeine.  Caffeine is famous for causing “momsomnia.”  You drink your coffee/tea/hot chocolate/coke etc. and you will still feel physically tired but you will not be able to fall asleep.  This only adds to your frustration of already being so tired. Depending on different factors caffeine can stay in your body anywhere from 2-6 hours with some reports stating even longer amounts of time!

5. Avoid sedatives.  Sedatives can help you fall asleep but they will make you feel even more tired if you have to wake up, let’s say when baby needs a feed or your little one needs a glass of water, before they have worn off.

6. Just as I stress having our children’s room dark, dark, dark this is also true for adults!  Light affects our hormones just as it does infants and children.  Put up some blackout shades in your room to allow for an environment that will be conductive to sleep.  Try introducing white noise in your room as well to see if this will help drown out external noises that may be keeping you awake.

7. Introduce exercise into your day. Many studies have shown that moderate, regular exercise reduces insomnia and improves the quality of sleep.  Maintaining a regular pattern of exercise such as 30-40 minutes three to four times a week can help your body improve sleep.  If you do exercise or plan to introduce this try and finish your exercise routine at least 3 hours before you plan to go to bed to give your body time to wind down.

8. Eat to sleep.  Avoid eating foods at dinner that cause stomach upset so stick with easy to digest foods.  Also try and refrain from eating after 8 o’clock at night to prevent an indigestion from occurring.

9. Have a constant and predictable bedtime routine for yourself.  30 minutes before you plan to go to bed begin introducing a bedtime routine for yourself.  This could include a cup of warm water/milk/tea (caffeine free) followed by a warm bath, followed by a comforting lotion and pajamas.

10. Encourage relaxation by trying a relaxation technique such as “progressive relaxation technique.”  Once you are in bed and it is dark and you feel comfortable you can begin this technique.  Beginning at your feet, feel the weight of your feet and then think about them going limp and becoming relaxed.  Imagine that they have fallen asleep themselves and allow all tension to leave them.  Then move up your right leg, then left leg all the way up to your head.

When you are sleep deprived and exhausted you feel alone and like you are the only person who is not getting any sleep!  Just remember that there are caregivers all over the world who are up when you are up and often times for the same reason.  It does get better and with using the above tips and applying them to your daily routine now you can be on your way to more positive sleep very soon.

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The Nap Bible

The Nap Bible

Naps are an important part of your child’s sleep.  It is during this time when your child’s body is able to organize information it has taken in while awake, process that information to form memories and associations, and it is also a time when their body can restore and repair itself.  Infants and children need much more sleep than most caregivers anticipate and many of those important sleep hours are lost during the day through unhealthy nap patterns.  Something I like all families to acknowledge is that poor napping often is a cause of poor nights!!  All sleep is related and so it is good to focus on naps being just as important as consolidated night sleep.

One of the number one concerns of parents about naps is cat napping or short naps.  These short naps are hard on caregivers and also hard on infants.  We, as caregivers are not getting a much needed break and our little ones are not getting enough time for their body to restore itself. If you are stuck in a “cat” napping trap then rest assured there are things you can focus on to work with these!!  Let’s begin by covering a few important facts about naps first!!

What is the difference between a “short” nap and a “long” nap?

 It is always good to begin with giving a brief definition of this to establish a baseline.  Although all children are different, it is crucial to know where to start when looking at your child’s nap patterns.

Short nap - a sleep period that is LESS than one hour.  Common short naps include wakings that happen 20-45 minutes after the child falls asleep.

Long nap - a sleep period that is 60 minutes or more.

Now that you have a baseline it is also important to look at your child’s regular habits to establish what may be a short nap for them.  For example, if your toddler is on a 1 nap schedule and typically naps for 2.5 hours during the day but then one day wakes at 1 hour  then this is a “short” nap for them. You can now implement some methods to help them make up for this lost sleep during the day by moving bedtime a little bit earlier or work on extending that nap.

What is considered “normal” napping?

Newborns, 0-2 months, often take shorter naps that are closer to 45 minutes because of their feeding schedules.  They tend to have feedings at least every 2-3 hours and so it makes sense for their days to be made up of many shorter naps with some longer naps. 

• 4-5 naps adding up to between 7-9 hours of sleep

3 months – During the third month of life naps begin to lengthen slightly but many still may be under 1 hour.  During month three your infant may still be taking 5 naps or may be beginning to resist that last one therefore leaning towards 4 naps and shifting bedtime earlier.

• 4-5 naps adding up to between 5-7 hours of sleep

4 months - In the fourth month naps are now down to 4 a day and should begin consolidating into longer stretches.  You may also be seeing a napping pattern emerging in your day.  By the end of this month your baby will again begin to resist that last sleep period as they transition to 3 naps a day and bedtime again shifts earlier.  During this transition the 4th nap may remain as a short nap for a few days until the baby learns to drop it.

• 3-4 naps adding up to between 4.5-5.5 hours
• Naps now consolidating into longer stretches
• During Transition it is normal for the last nap to become a short nap until it is dropped.

5-6 months – Naps are on a good schedule and are typically occurring close to the same times each day.  If they are not, don’t worry as this will begin to show very soon!

• 3 naps adding up to between 4-4.5 hours
• The morning and early afternoon nap are between 1 & 2 hours
• The third later afternoon nap is a short nap that will help hold them over until bedtime.
• At 6 months naps should be consistently an hour or more except for that third nap

6-9 months – During this time your baby will most likely transition from 3 to 2 naps.  This transition tends to take a little bit longer than other transitions and so you may find there are some days with 3 naps and others with 2 naps.  It will flip flop back and forth for a good week or more until your little one finds a balance.

• 2-3 naps adding up to between 3-4 hours of sleep
• Once on 2 naps they will generally occur in midmorning and early afternoon
• During transition that third nap will remain as a short nap

9-12 months – Naps are now well established and happening at very similar times each day

• 2 naps adding up to 2-3 hours
• Naps typically are between 1 and 1.5 hours in length

12-18 months

• 1-2 naps adding up to 2-3 hours during the day
• 2 to 1 transition generally happens between 13 &18 months with 15 being the average.  **Don’t rush this transition if you don’t have to**
• Once on 1 nap the length will be between 2 and 3 hours.

18 months – 2 years

• 1 nap for around 2 hours.

2-3 years

• 1 nap between 1 and 2 hours

3-5 years

• 0-1 nap for 1 hour
• Naps typically phase out during the 4th year of life
• Use quiet time for an hour in the afternoon to allow for the body to rest

**Each child is different and so the above are to be used as guidelines.  Your child may transition a little earlier or later from naps or may nap a little more or little less but the above information is a great place to start!

Is your child taking short naps?

As you just read above I mention that at around 4 months of age naps occurring during the day should be beginning to consolidate into longer stretches.  This is the average but if it is not happening yet and naps are still a little under an hour then your baby may need a little bit more time.

If your baby is at the 6 month mark and is not taking naps longer than an hour then I would begin to take a look at the sleep habits and begin using tools to help extend these nap periods.  Between 5 & 6 months really work on having these naps extend to long naps throughout the day with one cat nap happening at the last nap of the day if needed. It is vital that we are allowing our little ones to be getting the day sleep they need to ensure optimal overall health.

Tools to help encourage healthy naps

So, what can we do to help our children reach their nap goals?

• Ensure a healthy room environment – Have naps occurring in the same location as they are sleeping at night.  We want a positive feeling towards sleep to be built and so by providing a consistent and healthy sleep environment we can have our children feeling safe and secure in their environment.  Have the room just as dark for naps as it is at night which should be about an 8 out of 10 for darkness. Use white noise to help your newborn feel safe by resembling sounds of the womb and to help your older infant and children to block out outside noises and disturbances.  Keep room temperature between 19-21 degrees Celsius which is a comfortable sleeping temperature.  Cover any green, red, blue lights coming off any monitors or machines in your child’s room to prevent focal spots which can distract them during their nap.

• Prevent your child from becoming over-tired – Infants and children that are over tired are not able to have as restful of a nap as if they are put to sleep at a more appropriate time.  Over tiredness causes restless naps, short naps, and can make it very hard for them to fall asleep.  Work on not keeping your child awake too long in between sleep periods.

• Don’t skip on sleep routines – Just as bedtime routines are important so are nap routines.  These consistent sleep routines help to cue the body to get ready for nap time.  Nap routines do not need to be long like bedtime routines but they do need to give the body time to relax.  Take the last couple steps following the bath in your bedtime routine and apply this as a nap routine.  It may look like this:

- Walk with your baby into their room and say “it’s time for sleep.”

- Dim lights and turn on white noise

- Change them if needed

- Read a short book

- Hum a lullaby beside their crib and lay them down

• Maintain a level of consistency – Once your baby is 6 months having a predictable daytime schedule can be very beneficial.  Infants and children LOVE routine and so keeping things the same each day can help with nap sleep and nighttime sleep.  Have a regular morning wake-up for your child.  This will allow for naps to happen close to the same times each day.  Have an appropriate bedtime.  This also goes with not letting your child become over-tired!  Early bedtimes are best to allow for optimal restorative sleep.

• Work on reducing negative sleep associations – Sleep associations are cues that your child relates to falling asleep.  This can be rocking, walking, feeding, or anything else that you may implement to put your baby to sleep.  If your little one is waking frequently in the night and after a short nap it may be because they need help falling back asleep using you!  Implement habits that your child can use to self-soothe and use the cues of the nap routines to trigger calmness to allow for an easier transition into sleep for your little one.

** I always say that “something is ONLY A PROBLEM if it is a problem.”  What I mean is that if you rock your baby to sleep and they have great naps and sleep all night then you do not have to change anything.  The rocking is not causing a problem.  But, if you are doing something to help your baby fall asleep and then they need that every time they wake up to fall back asleep then this is something that I would suggest working on so that your baby can get some longer sleep stretches for their growing body J

• Follow a baby-led approach for sleep – There are many different parenting approaches but one I like to follow for sleep is a baby-led approach.  This means that you are allowing them time to nap that works best for their bodies!  Often times as caregivers we let our children nap around our schedule, in between errands, or only on days that you don’t have something planned and this can make it very difficult for infants to learn healthy sleep habits.  Even if it seems like they nap O.K. during the times that “work out” always make sure they are reaching their recommended sleep hours for the day as outlined above.  Have them nap in their usual sleep environment and not on the go as much as you can!

If you are looking for a more personalized list of suggestions to suit your family’s needs feel free to contact me from my website www.nurturingsleepsolutions.com  We can set up a phone consultation or package to get your little one on track with their sleep!

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